Posts Tagged ‘children’

Eden

Posted: January 22, 2015 in Poems
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

We went into Eden
A landscape so green
Rivers running freely
So much to be seen

An abundance of colours
Flowing so much love
Unbridled creativity
The blue sky above

Flowers blooming sway softly
In the gentle breeze
And the earth it keeps us grounded
So much beauty at our feet

Our children so amazing
Yet a story to be told
Trust that they will make the changes
That we’re longing to hold

As we step on the pathway
Of this journey of life
Walk with us throughout Eden
And know that all will be fine

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Their silence
It spoke volumes
Their lack of
Acknowledgement
As I walk
And think
Cuts deep
You’ve failed
It screams
In my ears
The fight
Was futile
Many years
I have tried
And now it feels
That the battle
Is over
The good
Gone to waste
The ever persistent path
Where I lead the way
Is disappearing
And it hurts
Like a heartbreak
That
They didn’t even say

Now as much as i enjoy hearing about how great my 3 year old is, after a long day at work, the last place I wanted to go to at 6pm was his parents evening. I know that probably has me slipping into the ‘bad mum’ bracket but I just felt exhausted. Furthermore, my 2 older kids had been home since 4pm and hadn’t realised that they would have to wait until at least 7pm for me to arrive home, let alone make them dinner! Once I did arrive home I realised they had made up for my lack of parenting by eating an entire tub of ice cream! I haven’t mentioned it, I’m pretending it never happened.

So back to parents evening. I arrived 15 minutes early, which anyone who knows me will realise that this is a miracle in itself. The staff were frantically making sure all the children’s reports were ready to hand to parents and were also putting the finishing touches to the hall.

Do you want to know what those finishing touches involved?

They involved making sure that you, as a parent, are attending the best parents evening you could imagine. You will not want to leave parents evening. You will will want to attend parents evening every week!

Lined up along the table were bottles of wine. White, red, rose, take your pick! Further along a selection of party food, chicken nibbles, sausage rolls, cocktail sausages and quiche.

I then saw a member of staff dash to the staff room and run back in, cd in hand. She puts it on and the manager shouts across the room, ‘Turn it up! We need it louder!’

Suddenly the sweet sounds of children singing? No, doesn’t sound like it. Take That? Hmmm I don’t think it is….

…SHABBA RANKS!!!! The sweet sound of SHABBA RANKS, Mr Loverman began to blast from the speaker!!!

Schools and teachers take note, THAT is how you do a parents evening! Alcohol, food and one two bogle is guaranteed to make a parents evening more enjoyable for all involved!

Same time next week?

I happened to come across this year old MSN article today. http://m.now.msn.com/sex-makes-people-happiest-per-new-study.

It’s about a study conducted by a university in New Zealand on what makes people happiest and sex and alcohol scored above caring for children! So I had an amusing few hours sharing the article with friends and seeing what their responses were.

The best response was from a friend who said ‘…to cheer myself up I’m going to go have a drink and have sex in Westfield. Don’t worry about the boys they will be fine. I will wait til they’re eating lol…’

I’m still laughing now at that one! Another was quick to point out that sex and alcohol is what led to us having kids! Who am I to argue with that!

I want to know if this is how the majority of us are feeling. Are we really going to put sex and booze above our kids? Don’t get me wrong, I love a good binge drinking and shag fest but I’ve never actually wondered if it’s what makes me feel happiest. Mainly because they’re momentary activities compared to the day in day out of being with and caring for your children, which as most parents know is not a bed of roses but brings such an array of emotions; joy, sadness, amazement, pride, anger, frustration, an inexhaustible list. Emotions that make us feel alive, emotions that tell us everyday that we are living.

So just for fun, I have set up a survey for you all to do. Think long and hard about your answers. I’ve done mine and a few hours later I’m wishing I could change them! Typical!

Share the survey with your friends and I’ll let you know the results in a week!

Click here to take survey\ }

NaBloPoMo November 2013

I am so tired I feel like I have grit in my eyes. Although it’s probably a touch of conjunctivitis knowing my luck! I keep trying to jump off this train full of work overload but the journey just seems to get longer.

Today my sister-in-law has been helping me out with a display that is going to be put up in the library on Thursday. It should really be finished by now but it just seems like one thing after the other, each job more important than and it wasn’t even near finished.

This is one of the things we’ve been up to today…

20131109-234318.jpg

Decorating letters with tiny little bits of rolled up tissue paper. It was so tedious that even the kids weren’t that keen on helping us!

Very grateful for my sister-in-law’s help, at least now I know we’ll definitely have something going up!

NaBloPoMo November 2013

Shout out to the mums like me! I have a question, to what extent does feminism play a role in your life? Stumped? So am I!

Now I’m thinking you’ve woken up in the morning, made sure the kids are fed, lunches have been made, as usual yours has been by-passed, you’ve barely managed to get a comb through your hair and then you rush out of the house.

Now for me the next part is running down the road to catch the first of my many bus journeys. I have to take two buses to the nursery and then another two to work. Once I sit at my desk I feel as if I have already done a days work! At the same time it’s a relief to be able to sit down and work my way through a pack of chocolate biscuits without the kids asking me for one!

After a day at the office I then rush like a mad woman, back to the nursery to collect the little one. The older two have already given me a call to say that they’re home safely and I’ve instructed them to start their homework (which I’m sure they don’t!) and then it’s the final two buses of the day and relief, we’re home!

But, the relief is short lived, because once I’ve grabbed a coffee it’s time to start thinking about feeding the little blighters! And the washing needs to be done and sometimes I have to sit and do a science project of which I know nothing about! (Come on, I know I’m not the only mum who’s done the majority of their child’s homework once in a while!)

Once all of that is done and the kids are tucked up in bed, I would like to say I crack open a bottle of Pinot and enjoy a few hours of mind numbing tv, but, that would be a lie. What I do next is work for another 3 hours on the project I run in my ‘spare’ time and finally crash into bed way after midnight.

So I ask again, to what extent does feminism play a role in your life? I don’t feel like I’m living a life of equality. I feel like I’m living a life where I am doing it all. The burden, if you want to call it that, rests entirely on my shoulders. Don’t get me wrong, all I do is done for my kids and done willingly.

I don’t know if it’s my social background but as I’ve said to my mum on many occasions, feminism doesn’t actually work for mums like us. There is no equality this neck of the woods! When you are out working and then still coming home to all the household and parenting duties how is it then an equal distribution?

Yet as mothers we’ll be grateful for the fact that the man has done the washing up or dropped the kids to school, ONCE IN A BLUE MOON! Yet do we get thanked for doing all that and more everyday of our lives?

I view feminism as an exclusive little club, where the women in it, primarily don’t live in social housing, they don’t have to worry about the fact that they haven’t paid their gas and leccy bill in 5 months because otherwise their children would starve and they are free and have the time to attend meets and protests to thrash out what direction they want the movement to take.

In my 10 minute quest to understand a little more about modern feminism I came across this tumblr page…

http://whoneedsfeminism.tumblr.com

Having a look through actually gave me hope and made me think that although I do not consider myself to being living a life of equality, I definitely need feminism, I need to have that belief that we as women can change things.

In fact I do already believe this. I believe that women are very powerful, I believe we need to celebrate that we are life-givers, why do we let this be played down? I believe that we are entering an age of the feminine, come on, I know you must be feeling it too! I believe that it is down to us to educate our boys, the men of the future, to encourage and guide them to actively participate in creating an equal world.
I don’t believe the world we currently live in, this world that men are in control of, will do much about the advancement of equality in terms of feminism or any other aspect for that matter! Which is why I say it’s up to us to educate.

At the end of the day, the most important issue in all of this is that future generations believe in a just and equal world. For what is the point in us being here if not for that? What is the purpose? What is your life purpose?

NaBloPoMo November 2013

Trigger Warning: bleeding in pregnancy, miscarriage.

I have 4 modules and my dissertation left to do of my degree. I could probably have it done in a semester. I should have finished it 3 years ago. Quite often, someone will ask me when I plan on completing it. I find myself standing there giving a brief explanation as to why I have not chosen to go back to university and agreeing that yes, I do need to return and get it over and done with. I then walk away feeling like I have made pathetic excuses.

The thing is, I feel that my brain is totally shut off to the idea. It was not just a case of me waking up one morning and deciding that I’d had enough and was throwing the towel in.

I suppose one factor that has led to me not completing my degree was because I fell pregnant. Or rather the complications and problems that arose within and after the pregnancy.

Do you remember my Libido: Liberated post? Yes? Well it was just before I was about to return back to uni that I found out I was pregnant. Now that wasn’t a problem. At the end of the day, I’m part of the ‘super mum’ generation! I was already working as an administrator with 2 children and going to university. For the record mums, one thing I learned during my years at uni was that we can do two things well – work and uni, work and kids, uni and kids – but, make that 3 and the cracks do begin to show.

So if I’m really honest, the thought of having another baby was not that daunting. And even though I was not in a good place (apart from in bed obviously!) with my children’s dad, I thought that the fact that this was the 1st time I’d fallen pregnant in 5 years, using the withdrawal method as our form of ‘contraception’ must have been a blessing. Alright, I also told all and sundry that I was like the Virgin Mary because he hadn’t even come inside me! 😀 I am prone to my moments of being extremely inappropriate! I apologise!

Furthermore, all of my friends had also attended university as mature students and had also become pregnant in their final year. We don’t half love to make life hard for ourselves!

It was the Wednesday of half term and I had just arrived home from my classes. The house was quiet as my kids were at their dad’s house for a few days. I’d had a scan the previous Friday which had confirmed I was 13 weeks pregnant. All was well. I had decided that I would take maternity leave 2 weeks before my due date and thought that I’d be able to pop in to uni to sit my final exams and leave the new baby with friends and family.

I settled down on the sofa, enjoying the peace while chatting to my best friend on the phone. While we was talking I felt something kind of spurt I guess into my knickers. I carried on chatting but went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and looked. There was blood in my knickers and when I wiped myself. Not loads but enough to be concerned about. I told my friend. She said I needed to call the midwife straight away. I did and she advised me to get straight to the hospital. I then called my friend back and asked if she thought I should let the kids dad know (we hadn’t spoken for a few weeks) to which she said obviously. So I called him. Told him not to panic and to meet me at the hospital. Up to this point, I wasn’t in pain, I felt ok and I wasn’t really that worried either.

I got a cab to the hospital and was rushed through all the admin as an emergency case. While I was waiting for the general blood pressure and other similar checks to be done, I began to feel a bit of pain, like a horrible dragging, clawing feeling. Different to both period and labour pains. I also felt that I was bleeding heavier.

We were sent up to the early maternity unit. I insisted on not going in a wheel chair. This was actually a very silly idea as I hadn’t realised that we would have to walk for 10 minutes to get to where we needed to be. By the time we got there I was struggling.

We were taken to a small waiting room where a young girl and her partner and friends were waiting. I don’t know why they were there, I assumed she was also pregnant. They were loud and on a number of occasions quite annoyed with the staff as they had been waiting ages.

I felt things getting worse. To the point I couldn’t sit down. It just felt like so much blood. An hour came and went and I hadn’t been seen by anybody. By this point I assumed I was miscarrying. I managed to get to the nurses station to ask if they could give me another towel. I think they had forgotten about me. So they did and said to monitor how much I was bleeding. I think another hour may have passed and in the end I had to go back to the nurses. I was in public and bleeding everywhere. There was so much blood it had come through my clothes. There was blood in the waiting room where I had been sitting and I left a substantial trail of blood all down the corridor. It was like I’d been massacred. My kids dad was saying that if he has to choose between me and the baby he’s choosing me. He’d never seen so much blood in his life.

We were put in a private side room for a while then were finally called into the doctor. I was bleeding so heavily she could not do an internal to see whether my cervix was still closed. But she managed to get hold of an ultrasound to do a scan. Miraculously, through all of that, my baby was still there, still alive!

I had to stay in hospital over night so they could monitor me. There was a lady opposite me who had an awful miscarriage, but was so lovely to me. It’s so strange the details we remember.

The bleeding didn’t stop but got somewhat lighter. I was allowed home but put on the first of many bouts of bed rest. At this point they were unsure what was happening to me. Even so, I felt like, and still do, one of the lucky ones.

So this is the beginning of a number of reasons as to why I haven’t finished my degree. There are more, but I don’t feel brave enough to explore those today.
NaBloPoMo November 2013