Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

‘Are you loved?’ a friend asked me today. My answer to him was no.

We weren’t talking about mum and dad or your kids or friends loving you. So no, I’m pretty sure I’m not loved.

I can’t even remember how the conversation started, but prior to that, he’d asked if I love someone, to which I had replied ‘no, I haven’t loved anyone in ages.’

Well what a glum state of affairs this is!

I don’t know if it’s because I’m turning 35 next year, but after being what some people may call a cold, heartless bitch for the past 8 years I would actually like to be in love and for someone to really, really love me.

Now I know I’m not in a position to make demands but I don’t want that build up to love scenario, where you go out and realise you suit and it’s all very nice and then oh I think I love you type of thing.

No, I want crazy, instantaneous, have to be with you, let’s run away for the day that turns into the weekend, mad passionate, 2 months in we’re engaged to be married in a few weeks kind of love.

I know what I want is highly impractical, and will probably lead to divorce within a year but damn! How exciting would that be! Not all this boring, let’s be sensible nonsense!

So if there’s any wild ones after a whirlwind romance that you’ll remember with laughter in your old age, even if it did end in divorce, I’m your girl! 😉

I was asked this question today by a delightful male friend, who just for the record is not a toyboy, well at least not mine! Although if he was younger than me I wouldn’t throw the idea out of the window! 😉 Anyway let me get rid of the shovel before I dig myself in even further!

The deeper into our 30s my friends and I go the more the topic of younger men and having a toy boy comes up. Now I really am no expert in the field of dating younger men. I don’t have a toyboy but, I am open to offers, solely for research purposes … Of course!

Whilst speaking with friends about younger men the issue of it being a boost to the ego never comes up. We are all pretty much secure in the varying packages we come in and I feel we are most certainly at a point in our lives where in fact, we would not give a damn what any man thought of us. If anything, we are over confident!

That being said, the actuality of having a younger man vying for your attention, I would imagine to be extremely flattering and quite likely to have a positive affect on your self esteem.

I’m sure there are women out there who have been hurt in a relationship who could well do with an ego boost. If that comes packaged in a sexy firm body with a youthful staying power then I guess all power to them!

So what of sexuality? I think I can say that with regards to my friends and I, the younger man ‘vogue’ is more likely to be an issue of sexuality than female ego. Why? I’m not 100% sure. Could it be that we fancy having some fun with someone who can keep up with our increasing sexual urges? Are we looking for some everyday bed action? Nothing more, nothing less. I think this is something we are still figuring through. Answers and suggestions on a postcard please!

Although, I do have another take on all this toyboy malarkey. So this thought is based on women in their 30s. Not the ones who have just got married and had kids though! No, they’re the secure ones who had life plans that actually worked. This theory is for the girls in their 30s who have settled down and had kids quite young, may still be in a relationship or single. Not to say that they don’t have workable life plans! Who the hell handed me the shovel again???

Maybe there is all this chat about finding a toyboy because we just simply want one last hoorah? Maybe the thought of being 40 and hitting middle age is just a little bit daunting and we want to spice things up abit before we settle back in to being sensible again. That reminds me of my mum and her best friend watching Shirley Valentine in the early 1990s. They were both in their 30s. And they thought it was the best thing since sliced bread.

So while you’re all pondering this issue, I’m just going to head off out dancing to this great club, where all the young men are super fine, fresh and flirty and love a lady in her 30s! 😉

NaBloPoMo November 2013

Today, I spent a few hours at a community day where I used to live. My task whilst there was to help collect and sort books that the community were donating in order to create an ‘honesty library’. The rules for the honesty library are that the public can come along and take what books they fancy reading, then bring them back when they’ve finished. They can also donate their own books in exchange for what they fancy on the shelves. So all in all a good idea, especially in a deprived area which has seen cuts to it’s library service.

I’d like to think that as well as promoting reading and literacy, it will also help strengthen the community with more people passing through the centre and building bonds with each other.

I was a bit slow in putting the books out as I had to look through nearly every book, check the publication date and give a bit of a running commentary on what I’d found! And then when I did actually manage to put books on the tables, I kept ruining the order and display that my best friend had put so much time into!

Well, it has to be said there were a few good finds in the couple hundred books we sorted through today. My best friend only went and got her hands on a copy of this!

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Have you read it? Nancy Friday’s Women On Top was so hard to get hold of in the 90’s. We did manage to get copies a few years ago but my best friend has lost hers. It’s one of those books you have to hide! Well I’m pretty sure the dirty mare’s going to be up all night now she has a replacement! 😉

While I was going through all the books with my latex gloves, I found this…

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Wedding Etiquette by Mary Woodman. The great thing about the internet is that we can find the information we require so quickly and from what I gather this book was published in 1949.

So I’ve had a quick browse through it and all I can say is oh how times have changed. Or have they? My initial reaction is to smirk at some of the things written in it. You may think different. Let me regal you with a few!

Before the contents page is a page titled ‘Morals for the Married’, well straight away I’m in doubt of if I should go any further! The last ‘moral’ on this page is, ‘…Don’t imagine that your point of view is the only one…’ Hahahaha! Straight away I see I’m in trouble!

So I started reading further and got to page 35 (yes I was engrossed) and read the following ‘…When it is the man who feels it incumbent on him to break off the engagement, he should give the girl every opportunity of taking the lead, … This is suggested because the world looks a certain amount of disfavour on a girl who is turned adrift by her lover; but it has very little, if indeed any disdain for a man who is placed in a similar predicament. It is, thus, a last favour which the man can bestow on the girl whom he has ceased to love…’ Oh. Alright then. I thank you kindly for letting me dump you. I think?

Believe it or not I kept on reading. I was intrigued to see what else I’d find. I loved what I found on page 48. ‘…Once the whole party has reached home, or the hall appointed for the reception, the bride’s parents welcome the guests, who say complimentary things to the newly married couple, and inspect the presents, if they are spread out…’ Inspect the presents. INSPECT THE PRESENTS!!! I love this little snip bit of wedding etiquette! Wouldn’t it be great if you could just go around the reception hall, inspecting the presents like you were walking around a department store, except, you’d know who bought what! Can you imagine the ructions that would ensue!

So I only read up to page 51 and this is what it had to tell me with regards to speeches, ‘…The bride may elect to say something quite short and brief; but, as a rule, she contents herself by smiling an approval of her husbands words…’ What’s that? Start as you mean to go on? Head in my hands man!!!!

To conclude my little trip down memory lane, I have learnt that according to the rules of six decades ago, I am not married because I don’t know when to keep my mouth shut, I don’t know my place and I struggle to back down!

Great, I will just run along and continue with my life … In the same vein!

NaBloPoMo November 2013