Posts Tagged ‘sex’

So I’ve spent the past few days reminiscing about the past. Now that’s not an unusual activity for me. I spend most of my time in a dream land! But these pensive moments led me to think about what was my favourite first date. This came up number one.

I was 17 and had met a 22 year old guy at a nightclub called Southsides. Southsides was one of those places where you would pay a tenner or fifteen quid to get in. For that you could drink as many watered down drinks as you wanted and eat your fill from the manky buffet of curled up sandwiches and cocktail sausages while dancing the night away to cheesy tunes.

So this guy and I had spent half the night chatting on the swinging love seat (seriously!) and ended up exchanging numbers. Mobile phones had recently hit the market hard and I had managed to get my hands on a gigantic M300! (Who had one? Show your age!).

So after speaking for hours every night for a week, we finally arranged to meet on my next day off work. (Those were the days where you could land a half decent job straight out of school).

I actually remember it was a Thursday and we had arranged to meet at my local drive-thru McDonalds at 11am. How I remember all of this when I can’t even remember my age these days I don’t know! So we had a coffee and he then said that we’re going South of the river. So we get to his white BMW and I’m being whisked off by this ‘Sarf Lahndan’ wide boy!

First he took me to a bar for a few drinks, it was just after midday by this time and these were the days where pubs didn’t bother ask for ID! Next, we’re back in the Beemer and on our way to a Portuguese restaurant for a 5 hour lunch. So much food, so much wine and I met his dad!

We were having the best time together and neither of us wanted the date to end so he then took me to the cinema where we were kept on the edge of our seats watching Geena Davis and Samuel L Jackson in The Long Kiss Goodnight.

By the time the film ended, we had been on our date for over 12 hours. Still not wanting the day, or night by this time to end we went back to his, and the rest as they say is history! Haha!

Details I hear you say? Ok! But only a few. I was taken to a lovely house and placed on a white sheepskin rug in front of an open fireplace. This man was a pro at this dating game!

Anyway, we fell asleep at probably 4 in the morning and I was supposed to be at work 5 hours later. Not only was I supposed to be at work in the morning but my parents had no idea where I was! Back then, they didn’t have a house phone so I hadn’t been able to call them to let them know I was having the best time of my life EVER and was not coming back for the foreseeable future!

I managed to wake up at around 8.30 the next morning and call in sick to work, pretending to be ill. That was the first ever ‘sex day’ I pulled (sick day…get it! Come on I’m not the only one!). My older sister also worked for the same company as me so I managed to get hold of her in her department and tell her that I’d phoned in sick and not to tell our mum! I also said that I would meet her after work.

Well the guy and I spent another fantastic day together and at 6.30pm we drove all the way to Sloane Square to pick my sister up from work and drop her home. We just wanted to spend every minute we could together. It was unreal.

He met my sister’s boyfriend and they fast became good friends. It then got to the point where I could no longer put it off. I had to go home. I knew I was about to be in serious trouble!

He dropped me home. My dad didn’t really say anything but my mum was so angry with me. It was probably the first time she’d actually ever been angry with me. I knew I was totally in the wrong for staying out for two days and the worry I must’ve put her through was awful. Now as a parent I understand that fear and worry even more.

The end result was that my mum grounded me! 17 years old with a full time job and I was grounded! The guys response was peels of laughter that he was 22 and and his girlfriend was grounded. Thinking about it, it was quite funny!

So the next day he decided to come round to my house and meet my parents. They absolutely loved him, he was such a charmer and I was no longer grounded!

As naughty as I was I do not regret going out on a 48 hour date. Nobody’s been able to beat it since and how many of us out there actually do throw caution to the wind and live life in the moment?

Would I do it again? Damn straight I would! I’m just waiting for the right man came along!

My friends have made me laugh so much over the past week. And I’m sure a few of my tales have had them laughing too! But this conversation has seriously made my year!

Friend: So I’m cleaning out my cupboard upstairs and one of the bags fall down and my first vibrator falls out. It looks like it had burnt out. Lol. I’m still too scared to throw it cos someone might find it in me bin. It’s not biodegradable is it?
Me: Lmao! I don’t think so! What were you going to do? Bury it in the garden

So while I try and compose myself, because each time I read this I literally weep with laughter, I want you all to have a little think about why women feel the need to hide their bedroom candy? Even when they are well and truly burnt out!

As liberal as western women have become over the past few decades, there are still a number of topics that are taboo.

These days you can even pop down to Westfield for some sex toys, yet I’m sure the majority of us women would rather purchase them behind the closed doors of an Ann Summers party at a friends house, where we can put a jokey spin on it. At the same time how many of us will go ahead and purchase the rabbit with the BMW engine (sorry couldn’t resist!) in front of our friends?

This topic brings me back to the whore versus the Madonna narrative. I guess most subjects relating to women do. I feel that regardless of feminism and the women’s lib movement, patriarchal views and ideals appear to dominate when it comes to exploring women, their sexuality and the way in which they portray themselves in not only social settings, but also the wider world.

It is as if we have been indoctrinated with the ‘Cook in the kitchen, lady in the living room and whore in the bedroom’ rhetoric, to the point that as women, we are unable to openly admit that we are sexual beings and do, on occasion enjoy a private pleasuring session. Besides, who made up this saying? I don’t want to be a whore in the bedroom. As an independent woman what I do in the bedroom is for my pleasure, not for housekeeping money.

The double standard that men will quite often get a pat on the back for their head count whereas women will be deemed a slut, further adds to our repression. As women we are also quick to condemn the girl who has had many sexual partners. Who are we to judge? Especially if she’s having a good time!

I asked a male friend if he thought women were repressed and if women felt guilty for their sexual pleasure. His response was… is there something genuine they are meant to feel guilty about…

Well I don’t know? Should I be feeling guilty about what I want to do? The desires and fantasies which are appearing with an increasing frequency?

As a mother in her 30s I do have those ‘you’re a mum! You shouldn’t be saying or thinking that!’ moments. I’ve been gifted with no filter so I even manage to shock myself with my brazenness sometimes! But really, I’m a bit tired of behaving how society dictates I should be, just because of my sex.

Maybe in a few decades women will display, with pride, their burnt out plastic penises. On the mantel piece! Or in my friends case, have a sea of them growing in the garden! 🙂

I happened to come across this year old MSN article today. http://m.now.msn.com/sex-makes-people-happiest-per-new-study.

It’s about a study conducted by a university in New Zealand on what makes people happiest and sex and alcohol scored above caring for children! So I had an amusing few hours sharing the article with friends and seeing what their responses were.

The best response was from a friend who said ‘…to cheer myself up I’m going to go have a drink and have sex in Westfield. Don’t worry about the boys they will be fine. I will wait til they’re eating lol…’

I’m still laughing now at that one! Another was quick to point out that sex and alcohol is what led to us having kids! Who am I to argue with that!

I want to know if this is how the majority of us are feeling. Are we really going to put sex and booze above our kids? Don’t get me wrong, I love a good binge drinking and shag fest but I’ve never actually wondered if it’s what makes me feel happiest. Mainly because they’re momentary activities compared to the day in day out of being with and caring for your children, which as most parents know is not a bed of roses but brings such an array of emotions; joy, sadness, amazement, pride, anger, frustration, an inexhaustible list. Emotions that make us feel alive, emotions that tell us everyday that we are living.

So just for fun, I have set up a survey for you all to do. Think long and hard about your answers. I’ve done mine and a few hours later I’m wishing I could change them! Typical!

Share the survey with your friends and I’ll let you know the results in a week!

Click here to take survey\ }

NaBloPoMo November 2013

I was asked this question today by a delightful male friend, who just for the record is not a toyboy, well at least not mine! Although if he was younger than me I wouldn’t throw the idea out of the window! 😉 Anyway let me get rid of the shovel before I dig myself in even further!

The deeper into our 30s my friends and I go the more the topic of younger men and having a toy boy comes up. Now I really am no expert in the field of dating younger men. I don’t have a toyboy but, I am open to offers, solely for research purposes … Of course!

Whilst speaking with friends about younger men the issue of it being a boost to the ego never comes up. We are all pretty much secure in the varying packages we come in and I feel we are most certainly at a point in our lives where in fact, we would not give a damn what any man thought of us. If anything, we are over confident!

That being said, the actuality of having a younger man vying for your attention, I would imagine to be extremely flattering and quite likely to have a positive affect on your self esteem.

I’m sure there are women out there who have been hurt in a relationship who could well do with an ego boost. If that comes packaged in a sexy firm body with a youthful staying power then I guess all power to them!

So what of sexuality? I think I can say that with regards to my friends and I, the younger man ‘vogue’ is more likely to be an issue of sexuality than female ego. Why? I’m not 100% sure. Could it be that we fancy having some fun with someone who can keep up with our increasing sexual urges? Are we looking for some everyday bed action? Nothing more, nothing less. I think this is something we are still figuring through. Answers and suggestions on a postcard please!

Although, I do have another take on all this toyboy malarkey. So this thought is based on women in their 30s. Not the ones who have just got married and had kids though! No, they’re the secure ones who had life plans that actually worked. This theory is for the girls in their 30s who have settled down and had kids quite young, may still be in a relationship or single. Not to say that they don’t have workable life plans! Who the hell handed me the shovel again???

Maybe there is all this chat about finding a toyboy because we just simply want one last hoorah? Maybe the thought of being 40 and hitting middle age is just a little bit daunting and we want to spice things up abit before we settle back in to being sensible again. That reminds me of my mum and her best friend watching Shirley Valentine in the early 1990s. They were both in their 30s. And they thought it was the best thing since sliced bread.

So while you’re all pondering this issue, I’m just going to head off out dancing to this great club, where all the young men are super fine, fresh and flirty and love a lady in her 30s! 😉

NaBloPoMo November 2013

A few months, ago a friend of mine came off the pill for the first time in 7 years. ‘I can’t believe how much I’ve been missing out on! I’m never going back on it again!’ She enthused to me.

I totally understood where she was coming from. You see, I haven’t taken female contraception for nearly 10 years. And what with us settled into our 30’s, the alleged age when women hit their sexual peak (I can confirm its true and only gets better!) there was seriously a lot she was missing out on!

This week I read the following Article in The Guardian.
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/oct/29/young-women-going-off-pill-contraception-birth-control?CMP=twt_gu

I began thinking of my own views and experience of female contraception.

So you already know that I’m one of those women who refuse to use female contraception. It feels liberating! And I know I’m not the only woman who feels this way!

There we go, my admissions on the table. Judge me people! Go on I know you want to! Done?

If I’m honest I don’t totally remember the background as to why I decided to give up on female contraception. The horrendous periods were a factor. I can’t say weight gain was a factor because straight up, I eat too much and can’t blame that on anything but myself! I had been on the pill or hormone shots from the ages of 16 to 24 and had somehow managed to get pregnant, twice! (No that isn’t a misprint!) So I had a 1 year old and a 2 year old and decided to come off the pill, which seeing it in writing sounds absolutely crazy! But, within a few months I felt for the first time in my life, in control of my body. I began to have regular periods and the older I got, the more able I felt I was to determine when I was fertile and more likely to get pregnant.

Now I would like to point out that if I was in a casual relationship, there is no way on earth I would have sex with the person without using a condom. Do I think I should have to pump myself full of artificial hormones to satisfy a mans desire to go ‘bare back’? Hell no! At the end of the day, where has he been? Sexual health and the increasing spread of STI’s for me comes primary before getting pregnant. And as long as that is the main concern then there should be little to no chance of an accidental or unwanted pregnancy.

So in my ‘secure’ relationship (inverted commas as there’s a bigger story to that which we’ll save for another day!) we weren’t using contraception and was using the withdrawal method, or voodoo as described in the article and it did work. 5 years passed and all was fine. But then, to put a bit of a clinical spin on it, the conditions were right and low and behold after six weeks of sun, sea and sangria, oh and a fair amount of sex I came back to England with a bun in the oven! This is what happens when you have a lot of idol time on your hands, sperm decides to shake the game up a bit!

So here I am now, 4 years later with the most beautiful surprise baby. Have I learnt from my lesson? Yes, but I’m still not going on the pill, ever. Maybe that means I haven’t learnt anything from my experience!

Anyway, I began to think of Catholic/Latin American/Patriarchal concepts of women, La Malinche, Marianismo, the Madonna versus the whore. I even went up to the gigantic box hidden away in my room to see if any of my old uni books had anything on the subject but couldn’t be bothered to search hard enough! So in the end I just sat and thought a bit more and these are the questions that kept coming up.

Now I stress, I’m not a scientist, I have not researched any of this and am just coming up with thoughts off the top of my head, but, what if this pill which was meant to sexually liberate women does the actual opposite? Would scientific research if undertaken suggest that female contraception in fact suppresses a woman’s sexual urges? If this so happened to be the case, is it not then that women are in fact even more repressed than 60 years ago? Is it so, that the only thing female contraception liberates women from is unexpected or unwanted pregnancy? Because it sure as hell does not liberate women from sexually transmitted infections!

I view my body, in that it is meant to enjoy sexual activity, as it is, in it’s natural state, without the interference of any extra hormones. I think men should be responsible for their own sexual health by using condoms. If you love yourself it’s the least you can do! As much as, a woman doesn’t know where a man has been and vice versa.

Who feels liberated within their life these days? Work, family, juggling the bills, it all takes it toll. I’m just happy I feel in control of my body. And the only repression taking place in my bedroom is that of the noises coming out of my mouth!

NaBloPoMo November 2013

No matter how many times I watch an episode of Sex and the City I never get bored! I could actually watch it everyday of the week.

So here are my top 10 favourite Carrie Quotes.

Number 1 has to be this. And yes, I am looking for the same thing! Aren’t we all…

‘I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.’

And here’s number 2. Don’t think I’ve met that person to stand still with yet. Or maybe I have but don’t realise? OR maybe HE doesn’t realise!!!

‘I’ve done the merry go round I’ve been through the revolving door I feel like I met somebody I can stand still with for a minute and… don’t you wanna stand still with me?’

And if you want to sum me up in a nutshell, just take a read of number 3!

‘I was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke and drink at two in the afternoon without judgment.’

I actually avoid going into Starbucks in Westfield because I really do think this, and have been known to say … Do they think they’re in Sex and the fucking City or something? 😀 But seriously, haven’t they got wifi at home? It’s freaking 2013 for goodness sake! Here’s number 4…

‘I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious posers.’

Number 5 I’m probably at serious risk of! But I’m shameless and don’t give a damn! I always think what’s the point in either not expressing or showing what you think or feel? Whether it be in a relationship or otherwise. Life’s too short. Oh dear, I’m probably that psycho girl who tells her life story and declares her undying love on the first date!

‘When men attempt bold gestures, generally it’s considered romantic. When women do it, it’s often considered desperate or psycho.’

Number 6 has me hoping I’m not feeling like this in a few months time… Not that I’m desperate or anything! Lol!

‘The longer I sat at that table, the more alone I felt. And it really hit me: I am 35 and alone!’

We should all probably take a leaf out of number 7. Would certainly ease the pressure we put on ourselves.

‘Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.’

Number 8, I want to be that woman, is it too late? *looks around expectantly for an answer!*

‘Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.’

The older we get the more life can feel like this… Number 9

‘When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?’

And at number 10, here’s hoping!

‘Eventually all the pieces fall into place….until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason’