Posts Tagged ‘women’

My friends have made me laugh so much over the past week. And I’m sure a few of my tales have had them laughing too! But this conversation has seriously made my year!

Friend: So I’m cleaning out my cupboard upstairs and one of the bags fall down and my first vibrator falls out. It looks like it had burnt out. Lol. I’m still too scared to throw it cos someone might find it in me bin. It’s not biodegradable is it?
Me: Lmao! I don’t think so! What were you going to do? Bury it in the garden

So while I try and compose myself, because each time I read this I literally weep with laughter, I want you all to have a little think about why women feel the need to hide their bedroom candy? Even when they are well and truly burnt out!

As liberal as western women have become over the past few decades, there are still a number of topics that are taboo.

These days you can even pop down to Westfield for some sex toys, yet I’m sure the majority of us women would rather purchase them behind the closed doors of an Ann Summers party at a friends house, where we can put a jokey spin on it. At the same time how many of us will go ahead and purchase the rabbit with the BMW engine (sorry couldn’t resist!) in front of our friends?

This topic brings me back to the whore versus the Madonna narrative. I guess most subjects relating to women do. I feel that regardless of feminism and the women’s lib movement, patriarchal views and ideals appear to dominate when it comes to exploring women, their sexuality and the way in which they portray themselves in not only social settings, but also the wider world.

It is as if we have been indoctrinated with the ‘Cook in the kitchen, lady in the living room and whore in the bedroom’ rhetoric, to the point that as women, we are unable to openly admit that we are sexual beings and do, on occasion enjoy a private pleasuring session. Besides, who made up this saying? I don’t want to be a whore in the bedroom. As an independent woman what I do in the bedroom is for my pleasure, not for housekeeping money.

The double standard that men will quite often get a pat on the back for their head count whereas women will be deemed a slut, further adds to our repression. As women we are also quick to condemn the girl who has had many sexual partners. Who are we to judge? Especially if she’s having a good time!

I asked a male friend if he thought women were repressed and if women felt guilty for their sexual pleasure. His response was… is there something genuine they are meant to feel guilty about…

Well I don’t know? Should I be feeling guilty about what I want to do? The desires and fantasies which are appearing with an increasing frequency?

As a mother in her 30s I do have those ‘you’re a mum! You shouldn’t be saying or thinking that!’ moments. I’ve been gifted with no filter so I even manage to shock myself with my brazenness sometimes! But really, I’m a bit tired of behaving how society dictates I should be, just because of my sex.

Maybe in a few decades women will display, with pride, their burnt out plastic penises. On the mantel piece! Or in my friends case, have a sea of them growing in the garden! 🙂

A friend of mine is back in the dating game. She is not after anything too serious so decided to sign up with a….. hmmm …. let’s call it a ‘casual’ online dating site.

Within the first 48 hours she was inundated with requests from at least 200 men. The requests ranged from the pretty normal exchange of email addresses or numbers, to get to know each other and meet for a date, to outrageous requests which are quite frankly, full on porn!

So she managed to whittle it down to four men whose profiles she liked and who she felt she clicked with and the next thing she knew she was meeting for coffee with one of the guys.

Their email exchange had been very pleasant and filth free so she was quite looking forward to meeting with him.

As soon as she met with him she knew straight away she didn’t like him. Not that he was not a nice enough person but she said there was just no connection. Furthermore, when she discovered he was the same star sign as her ex-partner she totally closed herself off to the idea! I know it seems crazy to base your decision on a star sign but I’m practically as crazy as her so see where she is coming from!

So this guy asks her what site she is on. She obviously doesn’t know what he’s going on about as she had only signed up on one site. He then tells her that there are about 12 ‘dating’ websites affiliated with each other so when you sign up for one your details get put on the other sites. (This is why terms and conditions need to be read people!) Next thing you know he’s reeling off a load of websites, Local S**gs, F**k Buddy, she said she doesn’t know what other sites he mentioned because by this time she was hyperventilating!

She was mortified, and told the guy so. He did say he thought she hadn’t done this before, then added that he went back onto the site he’s on earlier in the day (F**k Buddy) , and right in the middle, standing out from all the blondes, her profile was in the most viewed for the week!

So on the way home she’s on the phone to me, distressed while I roar with unbridled mirth! The first thing she planned on doing was taking her profile off the site.

Now she’s worried her ex will go onto the site, as he loves a Local S**g, and see her on there! And knowing him he’ll tell her parents. Rather than anyone questioning him for checking out Local S**gs, they’ll all be having a go at her! Hahahaha!

You know when you’re going through a period in your life when you’re a bit bored, and to be honest, it feels like there’s a bit of a drought going on, what do you do? Give online dating a shot of course!

Please tell me I’m not the only one out there who makes crazy, impulsive, random decisions with their life?

I don’t know what I was thinking. The drought hadn’t even been that long. At most a couple of weeks. Alright, I’ll hold my hands up! I just wanted to try something new! There, my admission is on the table, should I even continue?

So that urge to do something ridiculously impulsive, which I have quite often, (yesterday I had the urge to open a free school. I’ll have it up and running in a year ya’ know!), took hold of me, and next thing I know I’ve signed up for this online dating website, have a profile with the best picture I could find and I’m having to block a load of weirdos! Actually, that’s a bit harsh, surprisingly the weirdo men were few and far between.

What I loved about this online dating adventure was that I got to choose exactly what I was looking for. So my criteria was a non religious man in his thirties, (that would be different now, as you know from my previous posts I’m only after the toy boy!) and I wasn’t fussed about looks, (obviously not so bad that I have to put a paper bag over his head!). I made it clear that if they were looking for a partner to have kids with they were barking up the wrong tree. Been there, done that, and have more than one t-shirt thank you very much.

So I managed to sift through all of the losers thinking I had mug written across my head and actually started chatting to some guys who seemed as ‘normal’ as me and had profiles that weren’t a load of cods wallop.

Low and behold, I then came across a guy who lived quite local to me, same age range, he had a kid and worked in a similar field to me. He wanted to exchange numbers, so we did! He had a delicious French accent. We spoke (mainly me!) for an hour so I figured it must be real because it would be pretty hard to pull off a fake accent for that long! At the end of our chat and all the ‘voulez vous couchez avec moi’ (no! I’m lying! Just wanted to throw in some francais!). Sorry, at the end of our chat we arranged to go on a date.

I want to say we had a very pleasant date, but the word pleasant means ‘giving a sense of happy satisfaction or enjoyment’, so let’s just say the date was not unpleasant. We spoke, drank wine, I laughed a lot, at my own jokes, he was boring. Anyway, he wanted to meet again so I agreed. He wasn’t weird or crazy and I thought that maybe I should give it another go. Maybe he was shy and there was a personality hidden somewhere. Deep. Down. In. The. Depths. Somewhere.

Date number two arrived and we met in the West End. I wanted to arrive early so I could do some shopping at Bravissimo, the big booby bra shop but as I suffer from a chronic time keeping syndrome it made that little escapade impossible.

We headed off to a restaurant and I just could not be arsed with the small talk. Straight up this dude was boring. The sound of his voice was delightful but he just wasn’t lively enough. After being tanked up with plenty of wine (once I start I can’t stop!) he asked what I planned to do for the rest of the day, so I told him that actually, I plan to go lingerie shopping. ‘Oh you go Ann Summers?’ He asks full of sexy French innocence! So I asked him if he knew what Ann Summers was. Well supposedly, he thought Ann Summers was the only lingerie shop in the world! If I want crotchless knickers then yes! But we live in England and it’s a bit cold for that.

Seeing that the conversation had gone from zero to Sex Shops, I decided to give him the best weekend of his boring life and take him lingerie shopping with me, to Bravissimo, not Ann Summers! Don’t worry, I didn’t let him come in the changing room!

He tried to call me for a couple of months, probably thought his luck was in after seeing all those big bras, but for me, apart from the accent there was nothing there, so that was that.

Or as the French say, fin.

I think I’m perimenopausal. I know it doesn’t even sound like a real word, but I promise you it is, I checked the Oxford Dictionary to make sure!

According to my Women’s Health Bible, (1 of my best purchases ever!) ‘…You may notice typical patterns as your body begins the 4- to 10-year transition out of its reproductive phase and into the perimenopause …’

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So this is the part where I tell you all far too much information about myself! For 8 or 9 years I have had a 28 day cycle. The only time that changed was when I was pregnant and after having baby number 3 it went back to normal. But, this year that has all changed. About 8 months ago my cycle changed to 25 days, quite annoying but at least I’m not second guessing if the withdrawal method has failed me… Again!

So I was getting used to that when, in September, I began having hot flushes. Now they really are a pain! Anyone who has hot flushes will know how uncomfortable and at times unbearable they are. That feeling of heating up from within and it rising to the surface, feeling a bit heady, and then struggling to find a way to cool down.

I begin getting used to the hot flushes too when nature decides to change things up again. Last month my cycle was 29 days and this month it was 30 days. Now I’m not to keen on the longer cycles. I spent all day yesterday trying to decide whether to buy a pregnancy test or not!

The thing that is making me a tad confused though is that I’m only 34. Am I too young for this to be starting? Is it normal? Or am I being my usual over the top self trying to find a drama in a period?

NaBloPoMo November 2013

I haven’t been able to sit down and write properly over the past week as all my focus has been taken up with a mini exhibition and performance for a 3 week literary and language festival called Words Over Waltham Forest #WOW.

Earlier in the year I put forward a proposal to perform Our Community, Our Word, Our Voice in the festival and it was accepted! I was absolutely thrilled as that meant that the voluntary organisation I run was not only going to have the chance to perform, but we were also featured in a programme with really high profile, Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy, best selling authors such as Martina Cole and Dorothy Koomson, as well as some pretty fantastic, established organisations.

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My voluntary organisation has only been up and running since January, and for the past few weeks I have been beating myself up over whether it was the right thing to get myself involved with quite a big event so soon!

Over the past 2 months, mothers who attend the sessions we run have been participating in workshops run by 2 of my closest friends, on the role of women and other related topics. Much of the work and discussion has looked at words. Words that explain how we feel as women, how we are perceived, what we like and more. This all contributed to the display that my sister in law on the left helped me put together.

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My thought process behind this was that words and the definitions that we read in the dictionary can seem baron, almost clinical. But, as women (and humans!) we bring those words to life. As we give words a voice, we give them colour, we create the meaning, we give words emotions. We are the words.

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This evening the children attending the workshops performed poems, speeches about how wonderful and diverse the borough we live in is and music. The night was magical!

To top it off, a good friend of mine danced with his group Goldrush. He taught the other members of the group to dance around 8 or 9 years ago and they just keep on getting better! One of the guys is Godson who was in the final of Got to Dance so it was a pretty amazing surprise for the audience and to the end of a great night!

NaBloPoMo November 2013

Shout out to the mums like me! I have a question, to what extent does feminism play a role in your life? Stumped? So am I!

Now I’m thinking you’ve woken up in the morning, made sure the kids are fed, lunches have been made, as usual yours has been by-passed, you’ve barely managed to get a comb through your hair and then you rush out of the house.

Now for me the next part is running down the road to catch the first of my many bus journeys. I have to take two buses to the nursery and then another two to work. Once I sit at my desk I feel as if I have already done a days work! At the same time it’s a relief to be able to sit down and work my way through a pack of chocolate biscuits without the kids asking me for one!

After a day at the office I then rush like a mad woman, back to the nursery to collect the little one. The older two have already given me a call to say that they’re home safely and I’ve instructed them to start their homework (which I’m sure they don’t!) and then it’s the final two buses of the day and relief, we’re home!

But, the relief is short lived, because once I’ve grabbed a coffee it’s time to start thinking about feeding the little blighters! And the washing needs to be done and sometimes I have to sit and do a science project of which I know nothing about! (Come on, I know I’m not the only mum who’s done the majority of their child’s homework once in a while!)

Once all of that is done and the kids are tucked up in bed, I would like to say I crack open a bottle of Pinot and enjoy a few hours of mind numbing tv, but, that would be a lie. What I do next is work for another 3 hours on the project I run in my ‘spare’ time and finally crash into bed way after midnight.

So I ask again, to what extent does feminism play a role in your life? I don’t feel like I’m living a life of equality. I feel like I’m living a life where I am doing it all. The burden, if you want to call it that, rests entirely on my shoulders. Don’t get me wrong, all I do is done for my kids and done willingly.

I don’t know if it’s my social background but as I’ve said to my mum on many occasions, feminism doesn’t actually work for mums like us. There is no equality this neck of the woods! When you are out working and then still coming home to all the household and parenting duties how is it then an equal distribution?

Yet as mothers we’ll be grateful for the fact that the man has done the washing up or dropped the kids to school, ONCE IN A BLUE MOON! Yet do we get thanked for doing all that and more everyday of our lives?

I view feminism as an exclusive little club, where the women in it, primarily don’t live in social housing, they don’t have to worry about the fact that they haven’t paid their gas and leccy bill in 5 months because otherwise their children would starve and they are free and have the time to attend meets and protests to thrash out what direction they want the movement to take.

In my 10 minute quest to understand a little more about modern feminism I came across this tumblr page…

http://whoneedsfeminism.tumblr.com

Having a look through actually gave me hope and made me think that although I do not consider myself to being living a life of equality, I definitely need feminism, I need to have that belief that we as women can change things.

In fact I do already believe this. I believe that women are very powerful, I believe we need to celebrate that we are life-givers, why do we let this be played down? I believe that we are entering an age of the feminine, come on, I know you must be feeling it too! I believe that it is down to us to educate our boys, the men of the future, to encourage and guide them to actively participate in creating an equal world.
I don’t believe the world we currently live in, this world that men are in control of, will do much about the advancement of equality in terms of feminism or any other aspect for that matter! Which is why I say it’s up to us to educate.

At the end of the day, the most important issue in all of this is that future generations believe in a just and equal world. For what is the point in us being here if not for that? What is the purpose? What is your life purpose?

NaBloPoMo November 2013

I was asked this question today by a delightful male friend, who just for the record is not a toyboy, well at least not mine! Although if he was younger than me I wouldn’t throw the idea out of the window! 😉 Anyway let me get rid of the shovel before I dig myself in even further!

The deeper into our 30s my friends and I go the more the topic of younger men and having a toy boy comes up. Now I really am no expert in the field of dating younger men. I don’t have a toyboy but, I am open to offers, solely for research purposes … Of course!

Whilst speaking with friends about younger men the issue of it being a boost to the ego never comes up. We are all pretty much secure in the varying packages we come in and I feel we are most certainly at a point in our lives where in fact, we would not give a damn what any man thought of us. If anything, we are over confident!

That being said, the actuality of having a younger man vying for your attention, I would imagine to be extremely flattering and quite likely to have a positive affect on your self esteem.

I’m sure there are women out there who have been hurt in a relationship who could well do with an ego boost. If that comes packaged in a sexy firm body with a youthful staying power then I guess all power to them!

So what of sexuality? I think I can say that with regards to my friends and I, the younger man ‘vogue’ is more likely to be an issue of sexuality than female ego. Why? I’m not 100% sure. Could it be that we fancy having some fun with someone who can keep up with our increasing sexual urges? Are we looking for some everyday bed action? Nothing more, nothing less. I think this is something we are still figuring through. Answers and suggestions on a postcard please!

Although, I do have another take on all this toyboy malarkey. So this thought is based on women in their 30s. Not the ones who have just got married and had kids though! No, they’re the secure ones who had life plans that actually worked. This theory is for the girls in their 30s who have settled down and had kids quite young, may still be in a relationship or single. Not to say that they don’t have workable life plans! Who the hell handed me the shovel again???

Maybe there is all this chat about finding a toyboy because we just simply want one last hoorah? Maybe the thought of being 40 and hitting middle age is just a little bit daunting and we want to spice things up abit before we settle back in to being sensible again. That reminds me of my mum and her best friend watching Shirley Valentine in the early 1990s. They were both in their 30s. And they thought it was the best thing since sliced bread.

So while you’re all pondering this issue, I’m just going to head off out dancing to this great club, where all the young men are super fine, fresh and flirty and love a lady in her 30s! 😉

NaBloPoMo November 2013