Archive for February, 2014

My friends have made me laugh so much over the past week. And I’m sure a few of my tales have had them laughing too! But this conversation has seriously made my year!

Friend: So I’m cleaning out my cupboard upstairs and one of the bags fall down and my first vibrator falls out. It looks like it had burnt out. Lol. I’m still too scared to throw it cos someone might find it in me bin. It’s not biodegradable is it?
Me: Lmao! I don’t think so! What were you going to do? Bury it in the garden

So while I try and compose myself, because each time I read this I literally weep with laughter, I want you all to have a little think about why women feel the need to hide their bedroom candy? Even when they are well and truly burnt out!

As liberal as western women have become over the past few decades, there are still a number of topics that are taboo.

These days you can even pop down to Westfield for some sex toys, yet I’m sure the majority of us women would rather purchase them behind the closed doors of an Ann Summers party at a friends house, where we can put a jokey spin on it. At the same time how many of us will go ahead and purchase the rabbit with the BMW engine (sorry couldn’t resist!) in front of our friends?

This topic brings me back to the whore versus the Madonna narrative. I guess most subjects relating to women do. I feel that regardless of feminism and the women’s lib movement, patriarchal views and ideals appear to dominate when it comes to exploring women, their sexuality and the way in which they portray themselves in not only social settings, but also the wider world.

It is as if we have been indoctrinated with the ‘Cook in the kitchen, lady in the living room and whore in the bedroom’ rhetoric, to the point that as women, we are unable to openly admit that we are sexual beings and do, on occasion enjoy a private pleasuring session. Besides, who made up this saying? I don’t want to be a whore in the bedroom. As an independent woman what I do in the bedroom is for my pleasure, not for housekeeping money.

The double standard that men will quite often get a pat on the back for their head count whereas women will be deemed a slut, further adds to our repression. As women we are also quick to condemn the girl who has had many sexual partners. Who are we to judge? Especially if she’s having a good time!

I asked a male friend if he thought women were repressed and if women felt guilty for their sexual pleasure. His response was… is there something genuine they are meant to feel guilty about…

Well I don’t know? Should I be feeling guilty about what I want to do? The desires and fantasies which are appearing with an increasing frequency?

As a mother in her 30s I do have those ‘you’re a mum! You shouldn’t be saying or thinking that!’ moments. I’ve been gifted with no filter so I even manage to shock myself with my brazenness sometimes! But really, I’m a bit tired of behaving how society dictates I should be, just because of my sex.

Maybe in a few decades women will display, with pride, their burnt out plastic penises. On the mantel piece! Or in my friends case, have a sea of them growing in the garden! 🙂

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A friend of mine is back in the dating game. She is not after anything too serious so decided to sign up with a….. hmmm …. let’s call it a ‘casual’ online dating site.

Within the first 48 hours she was inundated with requests from at least 200 men. The requests ranged from the pretty normal exchange of email addresses or numbers, to get to know each other and meet for a date, to outrageous requests which are quite frankly, full on porn!

So she managed to whittle it down to four men whose profiles she liked and who she felt she clicked with and the next thing she knew she was meeting for coffee with one of the guys.

Their email exchange had been very pleasant and filth free so she was quite looking forward to meeting with him.

As soon as she met with him she knew straight away she didn’t like him. Not that he was not a nice enough person but she said there was just no connection. Furthermore, when she discovered he was the same star sign as her ex-partner she totally closed herself off to the idea! I know it seems crazy to base your decision on a star sign but I’m practically as crazy as her so see where she is coming from!

So this guy asks her what site she is on. She obviously doesn’t know what he’s going on about as she had only signed up on one site. He then tells her that there are about 12 ‘dating’ websites affiliated with each other so when you sign up for one your details get put on the other sites. (This is why terms and conditions need to be read people!) Next thing you know he’s reeling off a load of websites, Local S**gs, F**k Buddy, she said she doesn’t know what other sites he mentioned because by this time she was hyperventilating!

She was mortified, and told the guy so. He did say he thought she hadn’t done this before, then added that he went back onto the site he’s on earlier in the day (F**k Buddy) , and right in the middle, standing out from all the blondes, her profile was in the most viewed for the week!

So on the way home she’s on the phone to me, distressed while I roar with unbridled mirth! The first thing she planned on doing was taking her profile off the site.

Now she’s worried her ex will go onto the site, as he loves a Local S**g, and see her on there! And knowing him he’ll tell her parents. Rather than anyone questioning him for checking out Local S**gs, they’ll all be having a go at her! Hahahaha!