Could You Be Loved

‘Are you loved?’ a friend asked me today. My answer to him was no.

We weren’t talking about mum and dad or your kids or friends loving you. So no, I’m pretty sure I’m not loved.

I can’t even remember how the conversation started, but prior to that, he’d asked if I love someone, to which I had replied ‘no, I haven’t loved anyone in ages.’

Well what a glum state of affairs this is!

I don’t know if it’s because I’m turning 35 next year, but after being what some people may call a cold, heartless bitch for the past 8 years I would actually like to be in love and for someone to really, really love me.

Now I know I’m not in a position to make demands but I don’t want that build up to love scenario, where you go out and realise you suit and it’s all very nice and then oh I think I love you type of thing.

No, I want crazy, instantaneous, have to be with you, let’s run away for the day that turns into the weekend, mad passionate, 2 months in we’re engaged to be married in a few weeks kind of love.

I know what I want is highly impractical, and will probably lead to divorce within a year but damn! How exciting would that be! Not all this boring, let’s be sensible nonsense!

So if there’s any wild ones after a whirlwind romance that you’ll remember with laughter in your old age, even if it did end in divorce, I’m your girl! 😉

Parents Evening

Now as much as i enjoy hearing about how great my 3 year old is, after a long day at work, the last place I wanted to go to at 6pm was his parents evening. I know that probably has me slipping into the ‘bad mum’ bracket but I just felt exhausted. Furthermore, my 2 older kids had been home since 4pm and hadn’t realised that they would have to wait until at least 7pm for me to arrive home, let alone make them dinner! Once I did arrive home I realised they had made up for my lack of parenting by eating an entire tub of ice cream! I haven’t mentioned it, I’m pretending it never happened.

So back to parents evening. I arrived 15 minutes early, which anyone who knows me will realise that this is a miracle in itself. The staff were frantically making sure all the children’s reports were ready to hand to parents and were also putting the finishing touches to the hall.

Do you want to know what those finishing touches involved?

They involved making sure that you, as a parent, are attending the best parents evening you could imagine. You will not want to leave parents evening. You will will want to attend parents evening every week!

Lined up along the table were bottles of wine. White, red, rose, take your pick! Further along a selection of party food, chicken nibbles, sausage rolls, cocktail sausages and quiche.

I then saw a member of staff dash to the staff room and run back in, cd in hand. She puts it on and the manager shouts across the room, ‘Turn it up! We need it louder!’

Suddenly the sweet sounds of children singing? No, doesn’t sound like it. Take That? Hmmm I don’t think it is….

…SHABBA RANKS!!!! The sweet sound of SHABBA RANKS, Mr Loverman began to blast from the speaker!!!

Schools and teachers take note, THAT is how you do a parents evening! Alcohol, food and one two bogle is guaranteed to make a parents evening more enjoyable for all involved!

Same time next week?

Let’s talk about…. Blame it on the… Happy!

I happened to come across this year old MSN article today. http://m.now.msn.com/sex-makes-people-happiest-per-new-study.

It’s about a study conducted by a university in New Zealand on what makes people happiest and sex and alcohol scored above caring for children! So I had an amusing few hours sharing the article with friends and seeing what their responses were.

The best response was from a friend who said ‘…to cheer myself up I’m going to go have a drink and have sex in Westfield. Don’t worry about the boys they will be fine. I will wait til they’re eating lol…’

I’m still laughing now at that one! Another was quick to point out that sex and alcohol is what led to us having kids! Who am I to argue with that!

I want to know if this is how the majority of us are feeling. Are we really going to put sex and booze above our kids? Don’t get me wrong, I love a good binge drinking and shag fest but I’ve never actually wondered if it’s what makes me feel happiest. Mainly because they’re momentary activities compared to the day in day out of being with and caring for your children, which as most parents know is not a bed of roses but brings such an array of emotions; joy, sadness, amazement, pride, anger, frustration, an inexhaustible list. Emotions that make us feel alive, emotions that tell us everyday that we are living.

So just for fun, I have set up a survey for you all to do. Think long and hard about your answers. I’ve done mine and a few hours later I’m wishing I could change them! Typical!

Share the survey with your friends and I’ll let you know the results in a week!

Click here to take survey\ }

Mission Complete

I haven’t been able to sit down and write properly over the past week as all my focus has been taken up with a mini exhibition and performance for a 3 week literary and language festival called Words Over Waltham Forest #WOW.

Earlier in the year I put forward a proposal to perform Our Community, Our Word, Our Voice in the festival and it was accepted! I was absolutely thrilled as that meant that the voluntary organisation I run was not only going to have the chance to perform, but we were also featured in a programme with really high profile, Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy, best selling authors such as Martina Cole and Dorothy Koomson, as well as some pretty fantastic, established organisations.

My voluntary organisation has only been up and running since January, and for the past few weeks I have been beating myself up over whether it was the right thing to get myself involved with quite a big event so soon!

Over the past 2 months, mothers who attend the sessions we run have been participating in workshops run by 2 of my closest friends, on the role of women and other related topics. Much of the work and discussion has looked at words. Words that explain how we feel as women, how we are perceived, what we like and more. This all contributed to the display that my sister in law on the left helped me put together.

My thought process behind this was that words and the definitions that we read in the dictionary can seem baron, almost clinical. But, as women (and humans!) we bring those words to life. As we give words a voice, we give them colour, we create the meaning, we give words emotions. We are the words.

This evening the children attending the workshops performed poems, speeches about how wonderful and diverse the borough we live in is and music. The night was magical!

To top it off, a good friend of mine danced with his group Goldrush. He taught the other members of the group to dance around 8 or 9 years ago and they just keep on getting better! One of the guys is Godson who was in the final of Got to Dance so it was a pretty amazing surprise for the audience and to the end of a great night!

Deadline Approaching!

I am so tired I feel like I have grit in my eyes. Although it’s probably a touch of conjunctivitis knowing my luck! I keep trying to jump off this train full of work overload but the journey just seems to get longer.

Today my sister-in-law has been helping me out with a display that is going to be put up in the library on Thursday. It should really be finished by now but it just seems like one thing after the other, each job more important than and it wasn’t even near finished.

This is one of the things we’ve been up to today…

Decorating letters with tiny little bits of rolled up tissue paper. It was so tedious that even the kids weren’t that keen on helping us!

Very grateful for my sister-in-law’s help, at least now I know we’ll definitely have something going up!

The Sun Will Shine

The sun will shine,
The clouds will break away…

Sunset

Have you ever chased the sunset
So deeply in love
That you forget
Everything
Because the only people who exist
In that moment of time
Are you
And him
Chasing the sunset
Recollections
Of the burdens
Brought by life
Fade into a past
That no longer exists
Your only intention
Right here
Right now
Is to chase
Until you reach
The sunset

Credit goes to my beautiful teenage niece for taking the fantastic photographs of the sunset today!

The A-Z of my week

This is the A-Z of my week. A good old mixture of mundane and magnificent.

A – Aspergers
B – Beautiful
C – Clippers
D – Dancing
E – Exhausted
F – Friends
G – Gone
H – Hormonal
I – Illogical
J – Joking
K – Kids
L – Laughing hysterically
M – Mummy
N – Never-ending
O – Over it
P – Poetry
Q – Quiet
R – Relief
S – Shaved head
T – Tongue licking
U – Undermined
V – Vacant
W – Wedding
X – X-Ray results
Y – Yearning
Z – Z names

My Fave SATC Quotes

No matter how many times I watch an episode of Sex and the City I never get bored! I could actually watch it everyday of the week.

So here are my top 10 favourite Carrie Quotes.

Number 1 has to be this. And yes, I am looking for the same thing! Aren’t we all…

‘I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.’

And here’s number 2. Don’t think I’ve met that person to stand still with yet. Or maybe I have but don’t realise? OR maybe HE doesn’t realise!!!

‘I’ve done the merry go round I’ve been through the revolving door I feel like I met somebody I can stand still with for a minute and… don’t you wanna stand still with me?’

And if you want to sum me up in a nutshell, just take a read of number 3!

‘I was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke and drink at two in the afternoon without judgment.’

I actually avoid going into Starbucks in Westfield because I really do think this, and have been known to say … Do they think they’re in Sex and the fucking City or something? 😀 But seriously, haven’t they got wifi at home? It’s freaking 2013 for goodness sake! Here’s number 4…

‘I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious posers.’

Number 5 I’m probably at serious risk of! But I’m shameless and don’t give a damn! I always think what’s the point in either not expressing or showing what you think or feel? Whether it be in a relationship or otherwise. Life’s too short. Oh dear, I’m probably that psycho girl who tells her life story and declares her undying love on the first date!

‘When men attempt bold gestures, generally it’s considered romantic. When women do it, it’s often considered desperate or psycho.’

Number 6 has me hoping I’m not feeling like this in a few months time… Not that I’m desperate or anything! Lol!

‘The longer I sat at that table, the more alone I felt. And it really hit me: I am 35 and alone!’

We should all probably take a leaf out of number 7. Would certainly ease the pressure we put on ourselves.

‘Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.’

Number 8, I want to be that woman, is it too late? *looks around expectantly for an answer!*

‘Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.’

The older we get the more life can feel like this… Number 9

‘When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?’

And at number 10, here’s hoping!

‘Eventually all the pieces fall into place….until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason’

Cow

We bypassed the
Champagne
And went for
Comfort
In the
Cow
If it was not for those
Commitments
We would still be
Cuddling
Now
Settled deep in the
Couch
While
Candles
Burn down low
And you
Cradle
Me in your arms
While I stroke your leg so slow
Am I
Crazy to
Consider that
Life is about this
And I melt at
The thought of you
Giving me your kiss
As I listen to your heart beat
Steady and secure
I wonder if you’ll abandon all
Control
And break through
Those tough walls
When you show me
Caring
Moments
Nothing can
Compare
To a
Cuddle
In the
Cow
Come on
Let’s go back there